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Devaki Sokaris

Live the life your soul wants

4.Relationship counselling

Relationship counselling for couples often fails because an understanding of what each is contributing to the partner dynamic has not been established.

I feel a lot of psychologists who offer relationship counselling are missing the point in getting a person to understand many of the problems they are experiencing within the relationship. They are better addressed by them having sessions on their own, so they can gain more awareness about what they are contributing to the relationship issues, rather than wasting time sitting in a session with their partner deflecting, or projecting their own perspective.

I am not implying couples counselling does not work at all, but the model psychologists are working with is not as effective as it could be.

The couples approach can fail badly because each person:

  1. a.Doesn’t understand what they are contributing to the partner dynamic.
  2. b.Is not ready to own their part in it.
  3. c.Is not ready to forgive.
  4. d.Is only willing to see their own perspective.

Seeing the person on their own provides a safe environment for them to share their feelings, gain more awareness about what they are contributing to the relationship thus seeing things in a better perspective.

Changing perspective allows a person to see where the relationship then sits which may:

  1. a.Take the stress away from the relationship, and resolve things.
  2. b.Highlight what they need to compromise, and negotiate to stay together.
  3. c.Make clear whether they are heading in different directions in life.

We have relationships because they teach us a lot about ourselves, and help us grow. How long each relationship lasts depends on what the purpose is for the relationship.

The only way to explore the real issues at hand is to go within to find out what they are.

The truth is that not all relationships with soul mates are meant to last a lifetime, for many reasons we may never understand.

A person will need to ask themselves:

  1. a.What do I want?
  2. b.Am I willing to change?
  3. c.Am I willing to see the other person’s perspective?
  4. d.What am I willing to let go of?
  5. e.Where am I going?
  6. f.How does this person fit into my path now?

I am not a psychologist, but I have a great understanding of psychology and understand well the psychology of people through working as a life purpose mentor for over 25 years.

Devaki Sokaris.

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