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Devaki Sokaris

Live the life your soul wants

11:Controlling people

Controlling people have a need to manipulate their surroundings to feel safe. They often use their pain to get others to do what they want, so they feel in control of the situation.

Control hides subtly in behaviours like a joke or they may make out they are trying to help someone with their advice. Therefore, many people don’t know they are being controlled, because people who are experts at controlling, use it in subtle ways to trick others.

Sometimes a controlling person will dish out ultimatums, to try and gain a desired outcome they are happy with. They don’t know how to negotiate, so they do not own what they have contributed to the issue, or relationship dynamic.

When one tries to force others to change rather than negotiate with them, people will either not play along, or they will agree yet hold resentment towards one for forcing them into a corner.

Its best to try and keep calm when a person behaves this way towards you. If possible, distance from them, and remain open to options for change later if they are in a better place to discuss things with you, rather than demand their terms.

Sometimes we can’t resolve issues with people, so we may need to move on from them. We don’t need to be angry to part ways with people if we can’t resolve things. It is part of life for people to come and go, and there will always be something to learn from it.

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